Flirting With Fairies
by Jellic0
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if someone flirted with Commander Root? Well I did. Lot's of awkward situations for the commander, and of course everyone else finds it hilarious! ;)
1. A Plea for Help

_A posse ed esse_

'_From possibility to actuality'_

* * *

A Plea for Help

"Rosalin?"

"Yes?"

"I need your help. It's my father."

Artemis always has my full attention, but now even more so. "Wha- What is it?"

"I've found him. He's alive."

I shared the joy and relief I heard in Arty's voice. Thank goodness he never gave up. I mean, I never believed that Artemis Senior was dead, but I certainly haven't been searching for him these past few years. This was all just so incredible. It took me a moment to find my voice again. "Where?"

At this my dear cousin's tone hardened. "Murmansk. The Russian Mafia is holding him hostage. Also, they expect us to pay a ransom to get him back."

The Russian Mafia! Ransom! Now I was angry. "They've made a grave mistake kidnapping a Fowl," I said with a dangerous edge to my voice. "I assume we're going to teach them that the Fowls are not to be trifled with."

"You assume correctly. Now, if you would, take the next flight back to Ireland. I have a few new… comrades for you to be acquainted with." I didn't miss the pause as he was looking for the right word to describe these 'comrades', but I didn't question it.

"Of course, Arty. I'll be there in two hours."

I put away my phone and rushed into my bedroom. I packed in record time, and was out the door on my way to the airport hangar with my private jet, I am a Fowl, before you could say arum es potestas. Well, that is if you could pronounce it at all.

Only once I was on the jet and in the air did I stop to see if I looked presentable. My long black hair was naturally curly, thankfully not frizzy, and fell a few inches past my shoulders. My lashes were full around my dark blue eyes. My nose was a bit too small and my eyebrows a bit too thick, but there wasn't time to worry about that now. I brought along my "work" suits because unlike my little cousin I liked to be a part of my own plans, or in this case, his plans. At the moment I had on a dark purple sundress. Casual, like a normal visit back home. Since I'd been living in Greece near the Mediterranean my skin had gotten a light tan to it. I wasn't ghostly pale like the rest of my family anymore, and it went well with this shade of purple.

I decided it would be best to get some sleep while I could. When Arty and I got going on something we were generally pretty lacking in that area until everything was said and done.

* * *

**Just a short introduction for you, and don't worry the next chapter gets right into things **

**Thanks for giving my story a chance. Make sure to let me know what you think!**

**~Jellic0**


	2. Faires Aren't Real, Artemis

_Chapter 1: Fairies Aren't Real, Artemis_

* * *

_Concordia res parvae crescent_

'_Work together to accomplish more'_

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I've never been one for jokes, Rossy, and I'm being completely serious right now."

"Fairies aren't real, Artemis. What do you expect me to say to you right now?"

He sighed. "I suppose I was expecting this in a way. No matter. We're pulling in now. Meet us outside please."

I grabbed my travel bag and made my way back out the lounge towards the front door. Had little Arty gone crazy since I'd seen him last? Then again Butler was with him, and if he were spouting complete nonsense the bodyguard would have let me know. I can't doubt him. If he says it's true, it is. No question. Although, I would like to see these fairies for myself before I jump to any conclusions.

I opened the front door and the Bentley was just sitting there. Butler was in the driver's seat gripping the wheel. Something was definitely not right. In any normal circumstance he would not have stayed in the vehicle longer than necessary, and he most certainly wouldn't be simply looking straight forward the whole time.

I made my way over to the passenger side cautiously. I opened the door, poked my head in, and the first thing I noticed was Artemis asleep in the back seat. He wouldn't be sleeping at a time like this, and that simply assured me that something wasn't right. There were two possibilities I could see at the moment. One: they've both been drugged and it's naturally taking longer to affect Butler because of his size. Or two: they had a visitor in the car that was able to stun them. Both scenarios being highly unlikely, but at least the second matched up with Artemis having told me I'd be making new friends once I'd met up with them. Perhaps a friend wasn't the right term to use since Arty had been knocked unconscious by them.

My mind made up I moved into the car fully and closed the door behind me. Going off my deductions I asked conversationally, "So, who is our guest, Butler?" His eyes moved towards me, but he didn't answer. I returned my own gaze to the back just in time to see a small woman materialize from nowhere. She wasn't human though. Fairy, I presume. I noticed the silver jumpsuit and the matching helmet, but the feature that stuck out the most was the small gun pointed straight at me.

"I think the better question is who are you?" She had a commanding tone to her voice. A quality no doubt derived from giving orders. The nametag with rank stuck to her jumpsuit confirmed it. She was in some sort of military regime.

Best to play nicely then, or she may see fit to use that weapon, which was surely more imposing than it looked, against me next. I extended my hand to her politely. "My name is Rosalin Fowl. I'm Artemis' cousin."

She didn't take my hand, but I hadn't expected her to. Instead she mumbled, "Just what we need. Another Fowl."

"Oh, come now. You don't even know me yet." I smiled, letting my hand drop back to my side. "Why don't we talk for a while, then you can decide if you like me or not, Miss…?"

"Captain Holly Short." Captain, so that proves my military theory correct. "You've already got a strike against you, though, sharing blood with him."

I sighed. Arty had sure gotten himself in a bit of a mess. "What did he do this time? Judging by the grudge it was something pretty bad."

There was venom in her tone when she answered. "He kidnapped me and held me for ransom."

That explains it. It was a personal grudge for her. My eyes widened in shock as I looked at Arty. He takes after his father, that's for sure. Forgery and theft I understand, but those don't actually hurt anyone. We're not petty criminals! We don't do these kinds of things! What was he thinking? I thought back to when we were younger. There was never any malicious intent in any of his schemes. Then I thought to the predicament he's been in for the last two years. He was getting desperate, that was quite obvious, but he would have needed a way to continue funding all this. Oh, goodness Arty, there was far better ways to have gone about gathering money for your search efforts. "You should have told me sooner." I said turning back to Holly. "I would have gave him what had coming."

"Don't worry. I gave him something that'll make him think twice about ever doing something like that again." She flexed her fist and I could hear the smile in her voice at the memory.

I laughed at the thought of someone actually punching him. "Good for you." My smile dropped as quickly as it had appeared. "Seriously though, I apologize for him. He's a troubled young man, but I never thought he'd go that far. If there's anything I can do for you just let me know."

She finally holstered her gun. Did that mean she was starting to trust me? Probably not, but It's a start. "Actually, there might be something you can do. I'll let the commander fill you in. You're _precious _cousin may be involved in another plot to endanger us."

"It's not him," I answered instantly.

She mistook my assuredness as defensiveness. "He's not as innocent as you think," she growled.

"You misunderstand. It's not that he wouldn't do it. It's just he wouldn't do it right now. I hate to put it like this, but there are more important things to be worrying about right now."

"I doubt there's anything more important than money to him," she snorted, but didn't sound like she was fully convinced of that herself.

"Normally I'd almost agree with you, but this… This is different." I remembered the state he'd been in recently, and the pure joy in his voice on the phone. "He wouldn't be spending his time on anything other than this."

The captain stayed quiet for a while. "He's still our number one suspect and he could have been mixed up with this before this, whatever _this _is, came up."

I nodded. "I understand. I'll still do whatever I can to help."

"I appreciate that, human." The way she said human made me believe it was used primarily as an insult. It didn't sound like one right now though. Another good sign I hoped.

* * *

**Once again don't fret! Our dear commander appears in the next segment ;) **

**Disclaimer (since I forgot this last chapter): I don't own any of the characters except for Rosalin. The rest belong to the genius Eoin Colfer.**


	3. Flirting?

_Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit_

'_To boldly go where no man has gone before'_

* * *

Chapter 2: Flirting?

I had to be put under the Mesmer as we traveled underground because no human is permitted to know the way. Some kind of Fairy security measure apparently which makes sense. Humans haven't exactly been known for their overwhelming hospitality to other species.

I came out of it slightly disoriented. Standing across the room from me was Captain Short, and two others. The first was a rugged looking male fairy. His hair was cropped short in the average military fashion. He was quite a bit taller than Holly I noticed. I myself being only 5'1" he looked only about a foot shorter than I. He also had a quite pungent cigar sticking out of his mouth, which wasn't as repulsive as it should have been. The other occupant was a centaur. That alone was quite fascinating, but to throw me of some more he more a silly little tin foil hat. The hat somewhat negated the air of proud intelligence he exuded, but maybe that was the point.

"Good evening, gentleman. If, in fact, it still is evening," I commented nonchalantly. "My name is Rosalin Fowl."

"We know who you are, human," the male basically growled. Human was indeed an insult.

"No need to be rude to be rude now, Commander Root," I chided, teasingly.

"How do you know my name," he demanded in what I assume was his commander voice. His complexion also reddened quite adorably.

"When you wear a nametag…"

"Don't tell me you're fluent in gnomish too," Holly groaned.

I laughed. "No, no, Captain. You wear a nametag as well. Seeing as all the letters of the commander's name are in yours, well, it wasn't hard to figure it out."

"Just what we need, another smart-"

"I'm Foaly," the centaur interjected, drowning out the commander's cuss. "I'm in charge of the tech."

"So I imagine you're the other smart ass," I joked.

"Damn right he is," grumbled Root

Foaly and I chuckled, and no doubt one of us would have said something, but Holly coughed to get our attention. "Let's fill you in on what's going on here. There's a group of goblins called the Bwa'Kell that have been obtaining illegal firearms and powering them with human technology, more specifically, batteries. They were a small time gang, but have been getting progressively bolder. Now, you have to understand, goblins are extremely dumb, so whoever is supplying them with the batteries could be in charge as well."

"So we need to find the human that's dealing, and stop it at the source," I chimed.

"Exactly. We're going to go question Artemis and Butler as soon as they wake up to see if they know anything." If you listened closely hidden in the seemingly innocent 'if they know anything' was a slightly more accusing 'were they part of it'. It was a wonder they even bother trying to hide it, what with how obvious they made it.

"You've got the wrong humans. Artemis would never be involved with something so unhealthy for the environment," I explained.

"No offense… Actually take all the offense you want, but I will not take your word for it. For all we know you could be in on it too," Root accused.

"Oh, commander, I would never lie to an attractive man like you," I smiled and winked.

His eyes widened and his face turned an all new shade of red. After a moment he stomped his way into the hallway, grumbling the whole way, and slammed the door behind him.

"Did you just flirt with the Commander?" Holly asked, clearly bewildered.

"More importantly, did he just blush?" Foaly added. "I've never seen him blush. I didn't even think that was possible."

"Well this could be fun," I smirked mischievously.

They burst out laughing and I joined in. "Could be?" Foaly whinnied. "This is going to be a riot!"

Holly lowered her voice. "We've got to think of a way to get him real good."

"Anything you two come up with is more than fine for me. Otherwise I'll just improvise," I accentuated that by waggling my eyebrows.

"We are definitely going to get along," Holly smirked.

"Yeah, you're pretty great for a human," Foaly smiled.

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment." I chuckled

The commander pounded on the door impatiently and yelled, "Get out here pony boy, the mountain is waking up!"

We all shared another laugh and followed the commander down the hallway.

* * *

**I would like to apologize if Julius sounds very OOC. I promise it will all make sense in due time **


	4. Teams, Cigars, and Carrots

_Exceptio probat regulam de rebus non exceptis_

_'An exception establishes the rule as to things not accepted'_

* * *

Chapter 3: Teams, Cigars, and Carrots

Foaly, Root, and I were sitting in the comms booth watching Holly pilot the goblin shuttle. Artemis and Butler had gone along for the ride and were currently looking quite sick. I'd been doing a lot of thinking since I had no other tasks at the moment besides waiting for them to make it to Paris, and something just didn't add up. "There's no way a human could be the mastermind behind all this," I voiced my concerns.

"You'd be surprised how far some humans will go," Root commented sardonically.

"I don't doubt that, but it's not what I meant. There's no way a human would have that much knowledge of the workings down here to organize all this in the first place."

"She's right commander. Goblins aren't intelligent enough to tell a human everything they'd need to know. There's someone down here calling the shots," Foaly added.

"When you put it like that," Root muttered, clearly not happy that a human was right. "I'll have my men keep their eyes open for any leads."

"We make a good team, commander," I smiled.

He turned his head away and only grunted in what could only be interpreted as disbelief. Apparently Foaly didn't like that. He looked at me and winked before saying, "Yeah, commander. You work with her more often."

"Shut it, civilian. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to ya."

"Just a suggestion," Foaly quipped.

"Well I suggest you stop suggesting things!" Root grumbled and pulled out a cigar.

I bit my lip and elbowed Foaly to make sure he was paying attention, and snuck up behind Root. Just as he was going to light his cigar I reached around him and plucked it out of his mouth.

He jumped up and spun to face me. "What do you think you're doing, human!" He demanded angrily.

"These are bad for your health sir, and I sure don't want you to get sick." I smiled at him innocently.

I heard Foaly cracking up behind me. Since Root had no clue how to deal with me he growled at him instead. "Laugh it up, pony. I swear I'll take carrots off the menu."

Foaly pretended to zip his lips, but the smile and twinkle in his eyes stayed right where they were. Root turned on his heel and started towards the door. "Commander, you have to stay and supervise the mission," Foaly commented. Root just mumbled something along the lines of 'stow it, donkey' and kept walking.

As soon as he was out of earshot we laughed our hearts out. "Oh. My. God. That was priceless!" Foaly exclaimed in-between whinnies. "I can't believe he didn't kill you. No one touches his cigars. No one even comments on his cigars unless they want to be put on traffic duty for the rest of their lives."

"I must be pretty special in the eyes of the commander then," I joked.

"One way to find out: Give him a nice smooch," he emphasized that by making a 'mwah' sound.

"I don't care how much he likes me, he'd still shoot me for that!" I laughed.

* * *

The trio reached Paris, successfully made contact with the supposed dealer, and took care of him. It all seemed a little too easy to me, but can't argue with the man in charge. Besides, we have our own problems that need to be dealt with, and I'm not sure how much time he has left. In any case the three of us who were left underground were back to twiddling our thumbs and waiting for their return. Foaly got up to grab us some carrots from the cafeteria. He looked over his shoulder at me on his way out and nodded towards the commander. I gave him thumbs up and winked.

"It makes me nervous to see looks like that, especially in regards to me," Root commented, a clear warning which I ignored.

"What? Still don't trust me?" I asked, mock offended.

"I trust you about as far as I could throw you."

"With all those muscles of yours I'd be willing to bet that'd be pretty far."

He flushed slightly, but not as bad as last time. He sighed after a moment. "Knock it off with these games, would you!" He raised his voice a bit, kind of reprimanding me.

"What makes you think that they're games?" He gave me a stern look. "What if they weren't? What would you say then?"

"Doesn't matter what I'd say, that's not the case."

It was my turn to sigh now. "Yes, I like to tease you, commander, but I'm not messing with you. I like to see you flustered. It's a good look for you."

"Whatever the case, human, end it."

"Come now, commander. You can't tell me you don't enjoy the flattery at least." I smirked, back to my more playful mood.

"I actually can say that," he grumbled.

"You'd be lying, though. You're face betrays you." He looked away and grumbled some more, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I laughed at him then. I just couldn't help it. There was something about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on, that made this situation seem a lot more comfortable than it should have been.

He looked at me sharply. "What are you laughing at?"

"Seems like she's laughing at you, commander," Foaly chuckled from his place against the door frame.

"Don't get smart with me," Root hissed from behind gritted teeth.

Foaly trotted into the room and sat without another word at the moment. He must have sensed how irritable of a mood Root was already in. He offered me carrot, and I took it wordlessly. We both smiled and enjoyed the moment.

"Looks like our friends are back," Foaly announced after a while. "Shall we give them a hero's welcome?" He asked standing and leading the way back through the hallways.


	5. Handsome Names

_Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui_

'_Beware what you say, when, and to whom'_

* * *

Chapter 4: Handsome Names

We gathered in a conference room and waited for the other trio to get back. We weren't kept waiting long. "A job well done," I smiled as they walked in. Once Holly had passed me and I was looking straight at Artemis and Butler I let my anger show. My arm shot out to block their way. "Artemis James!" I hissed. They stopped immediately. You didn't have to be a genius to figure out they were going to get a lecture. "So these are the kinds of things you've been doing while I've been away." He opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn't finished. "No. I don't want to hear it. What exactly were you thinking? You could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse!" I turned my attention to the larger man behind him. If I hadn't known better I would have thought he was trying to hide from me. "Butler," the calm hardness of my voice now was much more intimidating that my yelling and that was saying something. "Is it not you're job to keep him safe, and out of trouble?" I purposely waited for him to nod. "Well it's a damn fine job you're doing at that!" I yelled again, the sarcasm was basically tangible.

I looked away and took a few deep breaths. I had cooled down a bit now, and those two were staring at their feet somewhat ashamedly. Mission accomplished then. I pulled them both into hugs and returned to my spot at the table in the center of the room. The fairies were all staring at me, eyes wide with surprise, most likely because I had just scolded Butler who is easily three times my size. I let myself enjoy this moment.

Foaly cleared his throat once we were all sitting. "Shall we get started, Julius?"

"Do not call me that, I swear-" Julius began, but I cut him off.

"Julius. What a handsome name."

He ground his teeth and his complexion reddened a shade, or maybe two. Whether it was anger or embarrassment no one could say. It was probably a mixture of both. When he spoke, though, you could easily hear the rage. "I will have you tossed in a cell and leave you there until it's time to mind wipe you and ship you back topside, human!"

The threat really did stung, but this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. "That hurts, Julius. After all the good times we've shared." I could see Holly and Foaly next to me biting their tongues to stop from laughing. Julius turned another shade of red across from me. I wasn't going to take this alone. They wouldn't be able to hold back those laughs for much longer; I'll make sure of it. "What's worse, you won't even call me by my name. I thought we were more than that, Julius."

Foaly cracked first, and Holly followed suit shortly after. Poor Arty and Butler looked so lost. I'll have to fill them in later. I looked at Julius then and I kind of felt bad. He was livid, and that might even be too light a term. Maybe I took it a little too far, but I think it was worth it. He opened his mouth and closed it again, as if he wasn't quite sure what to say. No one could blame him though. This was an extremely awkward situation, and he most likely hasn't ever had to deal with anything like this before.

"All of you out!" He yelled suddenly.

We stood up without a word, with us that was probably a miracle, and stepped out into the hallway. Even Foaly realized it wasn't a good time to keep pushing the commander's buttons. Once we were a safe distance away we burst out laughing.

"That. Was. Priceless!" Holly squeaked out between laughs.

"You're a genius, Rossy! I mean, did you see his face?" Foaly snorted. "Whatever we've got coming, it will definitely be worth it."

"Ah, can't be too bad anyway. He's a big softy," I teased. That brought on a whole new round of laughter.

"Softy and Julius are not two words I'd use in the same sentence," Holly chuckled.

"I would appreciate if someone could fill us in," Artemis butted in, annoyed. Poor boy's not used to being the one that doesn't understand something.

"You two can explain what's going on, I have to use the little girls room," I said heading off in the opposite direction of them. I turned the corner out of sight and made my way back to the conference room. I couldn't leave him al upset like that. I knocked on the door and heard him grunt out a 'get lost' in response. I chuckled at that and walked in anyway.

"Are you deaf? I said scram!" he growled without looking up from whatever paper he was scribbling on. I promptly ignored him once again and made my way across the room. I stood beside him and watched a he nearly broke the writing utensil he was using by slamming it against the table so hard. He glared up at me and opened his mouth, undoubtedly going to yell at me, but I covered it with my hand effectively silencing him for a moment.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. His eyes widened slightly and I let my hand drop figuring I'd bought myself another moment to speak. It is sad that an apology caught him off guard though. "I realized too little, too late that it was wrong of me to take it that far."

And that was all I had the chance to say before he was once again glaring and yelling quite loudly. "Damn right it was wrong of you! Not only did you completely disregard what I said, but you did so in a room with my officers in it! I am the commander and to do my job well I have to be respected-" I clamped my hand over his mouth again. I was not going to listen to a chain of command speech right now. He continued trying to lecture me, but it was muffled now, thank goodness.

I swung around to stand behind him and started massaging his shoulders with one hand. He stiffened immediately. I took my hand away from his mouth again and used them both to try to relieve the tension in his back. "Relax, commander," I whispered, making sure to ask not order, because lord knows that wouldn't help right now. He listened to me, but only slightly at first. Slowly I felt his muscles loosen, and he closed his eyes letting his head lean back. My fingers rubbed and prodded making sure to work out all the knots. He seemed on the verge of falling asleep when I spoke again. "I won't embarrass you in front of your men like that again." I leaned in close and continued in a silky whisper, "As for when we're alone, I can't make any promises."

I felt him shiver under my hands. Proud of receiving that reaction I stepped around him and winked before I made my way out of the room without another word.

* * *

**Updates are probably going to have a bit more time between each one cause I'm going to be heading off to school pretty soon now.. I'll work on it as much as I can, but I'm afraid I'm not going to have a lot a free time. Thanks for all the views, follows, favs, and reviews so far! It's awesome to know what you all think! :)**

**With Love, **

**~Jellic0**


	6. Secrets Revealed

_Veritas vos liberabit_

'_The truth shall make you free'_

* * *

Chapter 5: Secrets Revealed

"You and the commander have met before!" Foaly exclaimed, as I stepped into the comms room.

I pondered this for a moment. "So, my memory was wiped then?"

"Precisely."

"That's incredible! I never would have guessed it."

"Good thing Holly and I know Julius better than that then. He would never act like this around anyone, let alone a human. I mean you see how he treats us, and we're practically his best friends." Holly snorted at that, but Foaly didn't even seem to notice. "You see the point I'm trying to make here?"

"Yes, yes, I understand. So, you're saying we've had some sort of relationship in the past, and a good relationship at that since he certainly doesn't seem to have any grudge against me."

"That's exactly what I'm saying. You and the commander got to know each other quite well."

"Is there any way for me to get those memories back?" I asked, tense with an odd sense of hope that I didn't understand.

"In most cases there's a trigger to unlock them. Since it wasn't Julius himself I'm not sure what it might be."

"How do you know we've met?" I winced slightly at how accusing that sounded. "I trust you of course, don't get me wrong, but you didn't come up with this out of thin air. You've got some kind of proof?"

"Interestingly enough the records of you were wiped out quite thoroughly. Luckily you've got me, and I found a fragment of a file left behind and restored it. Turns out to be a picture of the two of you…" He trailed off looking at me questioningly.

"Show me."

A few taps on his keyboard and there was a crystal clear image of a human and a fairy on the monitor. The human, who was laughing happily, was me. The fairy, no mistaking it, was the commander who was scowling at me playfully. I was speechless for a moment. How could they just make me forget about something like this? I looked back at Foaly in disbelief. "How long ago was this?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I believe it's somewhere around a year and a half ago."

I thought on this for a long while. Why was my mind wiped after I had gotten to know him? Why not just right away? Why did I have other memories in place of these? Why can't I remember? More importantly… "How is it that you two don't know me?"

They shared a concerned look which did nothing for my nerves. After a moment Foaly sighed. "That's what we'd like to know. I'm in charge of the mind wipes." My eyes widened in shock and outrage. "Here lies the problem. I have no memory of doing this to you."

I stayed silent and thought some more for a few moments. "This leaves us with two possible scenarios. Either someone else performed the mind wipe and I was somehow hidden from you the entire time, or they wiped me out of your memories as well. Both of which are equally troubling."

He sighed, clearly troubled. "Spot on, as usual. Now we have to figure out what to do about it."

The hurt at these unfortunate truths was sharp. "This is pretty mean of you fairy folk, you know. Making someone forget about what seems like some real pleasant memories." I paused, another distasteful thought crossing my mind. "As bad as this is for me to figure out, imagine how awful it's been for him having to remember it all."

* * *

**Here's a little one with a bit of plot. Let me know what you all think of it.. I hope this kind of explains why dear Julius is acting like this around her, and I hope it all generally makes sense. Not sure where it's going to go from here, so we'll all have to find that out together :)**

**Probably going to be a little serious for another chapter or so then I'd like to get back to those lovely awkward situations ;)**

**Thanks for your patience with this story everyone! I know it took me wayy too long to get this chapter to you, but I'm settled in with my college schedule now so I should be able to manage my time better. I will continue working on it though. I promise I will not leave it unfinished  
**

**Thank you ibliniy, flymetothemoon77, and MikiAmulet for your reviews last chapter :) So glad your enjoying it!**

**Love,**

**~Jellic0**


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